You can't be a dentist! You're an elf. Elves make toys.
November 27th, 2008
November 21st, 2008
Only 93 days to go!
Week 27
Had a routine baby visit with Dr. Owens yesterday. All was basically fine, except for the unmitigated disaster of the glucose test, which I will tell you more about in a minute.
As far as Peanut goes, still going strong and growing like a weed. I'm still measuring 3 cm big, and according to last week's size ultrasound, that puts him in the 69th percentile. Dr. O says she's not worried unless he gets into the 90s. She also asked about movement and I told her he continues to be a lunatic rock star, rolling around in there. I asked if there was such a thing as too much activity. "Nope!" Dr. O told me cheerfully, "An Active Baby is a Happy Baby!" So apparently Disney's bought stock in my womb because if fetal activity is any indication, that joint is the Happiest Place On EarthTM.
This week Peanut's hearing is developing further, and so we are supposed to practice talking and singing to him because he'll recognize our voices. I just realized that I don't really know any lullabies, so either I learn some or Peanut will just have to start liking U2. Also, last week his eyes started opening and so the book says we may want to try shining a flashlight at my belly to see if he'll respond. I'm sure Mr. F will still not let me do it because "it's mean!" Maybe I'll secretly try when he's not around. *snerk*
I'm feeling good, except that I'm starting to feel more awkward all the time with this basketball in my belly. I've gained some weight - I'm up to 5 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. Luckily, I haven't experienced any of the swelling of hands or feet yet - thankfully my wedding ring still feels the same. Mostly I'm just starting to get tired all the time again and I have some low back pain, which Mr. F is excellent for helping with. My belly button is starting to flatten out. Still an innie - it was always a very deep innie before - but not nearly as deep. It seems I've got a little crop of freckles in there that I've never seen until now.
So, the glucose test. Complete disaster. It’s routine for all pregnant women around this time to check for gestational diabetes. They give you this super concentrated glucose drink – 50 grams of sugar in like 3 ounces of orange flavored kool-aid stuff, and then check your blood an hour later to see how you’ve reacted. Depending on how you do, they either say you’re fine or they have you come back to do a more advanced 4 hour test. Everyone says how awful tasting the stuff is, but it didn't taste that bad. It reminded me of a really intense orange drink from McDonald's.
Anyway, I drank the stuff and literally 5 minutes later I was ridiculously sick. Pouring buckets of sweat, dizzy, seeing spots, throwing up – it was awful. With my surgery, I have to be careful about how much sugar I have at any one time or it causes this reaction. But since I’m able to handle sweets like cookies or candy or whatever, it didn’t even occur to me that this might be too much all at once. Dr. O felt bad and said she should’ve realized that it might be too much for me too.
So basically, I felt seriously crappy and had to lay down in the Dr.'s office for an hour. They took my blood anyway but didn’t think the test would be valid since I barfed up the stuff. So now I have to go in on Monday morning to do a fasting test and hopefully they’ll be able to get a good result from that. I eat pretty well and I feel fine, so I'm really not concerned that I might have GD - if anything, my blood sugar tends to run low unless I eat on a regular schedule.
Next visit in two more weeks...I can tell this every two weeks thing is going to get old fast. Not looking forward to when I have to start going in every week!
Had a routine baby visit with Dr. Owens yesterday. All was basically fine, except for the unmitigated disaster of the glucose test, which I will tell you more about in a minute.
As far as Peanut goes, still going strong and growing like a weed. I'm still measuring 3 cm big, and according to last week's size ultrasound, that puts him in the 69th percentile. Dr. O says she's not worried unless he gets into the 90s. She also asked about movement and I told her he continues to be a lunatic rock star, rolling around in there. I asked if there was such a thing as too much activity. "Nope!" Dr. O told me cheerfully, "An Active Baby is a Happy Baby!" So apparently Disney's bought stock in my womb because if fetal activity is any indication, that joint is the Happiest Place On EarthTM.
This week Peanut's hearing is developing further, and so we are supposed to practice talking and singing to him because he'll recognize our voices. I just realized that I don't really know any lullabies, so either I learn some or Peanut will just have to start liking U2. Also, last week his eyes started opening and so the book says we may want to try shining a flashlight at my belly to see if he'll respond. I'm sure Mr. F will still not let me do it because "it's mean!" Maybe I'll secretly try when he's not around. *snerk*
I'm feeling good, except that I'm starting to feel more awkward all the time with this basketball in my belly. I've gained some weight - I'm up to 5 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. Luckily, I haven't experienced any of the swelling of hands or feet yet - thankfully my wedding ring still feels the same. Mostly I'm just starting to get tired all the time again and I have some low back pain, which Mr. F is excellent for helping with. My belly button is starting to flatten out. Still an innie - it was always a very deep innie before - but not nearly as deep. It seems I've got a little crop of freckles in there that I've never seen until now.
So, the glucose test. Complete disaster. It’s routine for all pregnant women around this time to check for gestational diabetes. They give you this super concentrated glucose drink – 50 grams of sugar in like 3 ounces of orange flavored kool-aid stuff, and then check your blood an hour later to see how you’ve reacted. Depending on how you do, they either say you’re fine or they have you come back to do a more advanced 4 hour test. Everyone says how awful tasting the stuff is, but it didn't taste that bad. It reminded me of a really intense orange drink from McDonald's.
Anyway, I drank the stuff and literally 5 minutes later I was ridiculously sick. Pouring buckets of sweat, dizzy, seeing spots, throwing up – it was awful. With my surgery, I have to be careful about how much sugar I have at any one time or it causes this reaction. But since I’m able to handle sweets like cookies or candy or whatever, it didn’t even occur to me that this might be too much all at once. Dr. O felt bad and said she should’ve realized that it might be too much for me too.
So basically, I felt seriously crappy and had to lay down in the Dr.'s office for an hour. They took my blood anyway but didn’t think the test would be valid since I barfed up the stuff. So now I have to go in on Monday morning to do a fasting test and hopefully they’ll be able to get a good result from that. I eat pretty well and I feel fine, so I'm really not concerned that I might have GD - if anything, my blood sugar tends to run low unless I eat on a regular schedule.
Next visit in two more weeks...I can tell this every two weeks thing is going to get old fast. Not looking forward to when I have to start going in every week!
Dad update
So I spent all of Monday and Tuesday in court for my dad's DUI trial. Ugh. While it started out interesting, it quickly got boring and repetitive and totally wiped me out by the end of each day, even though I was just sittng there in a freezing court room. I can't imagine it was any easier for Dad. Especially to have a night he'd rather forget dragged out and discussed in minute detail for two days.
The jury selection process was the most interesting part. The witness examination started out interesting but turned tedious when both attorneys asked the same questions over and over again, just in different ways. It also made me realize that I don't have enough patience to be a lawyer. You have to ferret out the tiniest details and ask the right questions in the right order and lay a foundation for the next set of questions. You have to spell everything out in detail because you can't rely on the jury being smart enough to come to the conclusion you want. You can't skip a step and it takes FOREVER to get from point A to point B.
Unfortunately, he was found guilty, which was what we expected, but the reason he went to trial is because the plea bargains they kept offering him weren't any good. Now we're hoping when it comes to sentencing at the end of January, my dad's time in rehab and three weekly AA meetings since May will help in making his sentence lighter.
On Monday, he was 175 days sober and that should hopefully make a good impression with the judge. I have seen on several websites that in Colorado, the penalty for a DUI with a previous DUI in the last 5 years is a fine of $500-$1,500, 60-120 hours of community service and jail time of 90 days to a year, with a minimum 10 days mandatory. So I am steeling myself (and trying to prepare Dad as well) that he'll have to at least spend ten days in jail because I don't think there's anything the judge can do about that no matter what kind of good impression he makes.
We're just glad it's over now and although it's nice to have another couple of months break before he's sentenced, we'd also kind of like to just be done with it and find out what's going to happen to him. We still haven't got the results of his MRI from last week and so that combined with his uncertain legal future, it's been a stressful time for all of us, but especially Dad. I'm sure worrying about the trial and now worrying about the sentencing are not helpful at all for his physical or mental health.
So that's the news on Dad, which is unfortunately, not really any news right now. Will update again when we get the MRI results and know what he's going to do about treatment.
The jury selection process was the most interesting part. The witness examination started out interesting but turned tedious when both attorneys asked the same questions over and over again, just in different ways. It also made me realize that I don't have enough patience to be a lawyer. You have to ferret out the tiniest details and ask the right questions in the right order and lay a foundation for the next set of questions. You have to spell everything out in detail because you can't rely on the jury being smart enough to come to the conclusion you want. You can't skip a step and it takes FOREVER to get from point A to point B.
Unfortunately, he was found guilty, which was what we expected, but the reason he went to trial is because the plea bargains they kept offering him weren't any good. Now we're hoping when it comes to sentencing at the end of January, my dad's time in rehab and three weekly AA meetings since May will help in making his sentence lighter.
On Monday, he was 175 days sober and that should hopefully make a good impression with the judge. I have seen on several websites that in Colorado, the penalty for a DUI with a previous DUI in the last 5 years is a fine of $500-$1,500, 60-120 hours of community service and jail time of 90 days to a year, with a minimum 10 days mandatory. So I am steeling myself (and trying to prepare Dad as well) that he'll have to at least spend ten days in jail because I don't think there's anything the judge can do about that no matter what kind of good impression he makes.
We're just glad it's over now and although it's nice to have another couple of months break before he's sentenced, we'd also kind of like to just be done with it and find out what's going to happen to him. We still haven't got the results of his MRI from last week and so that combined with his uncertain legal future, it's been a stressful time for all of us, but especially Dad. I'm sure worrying about the trial and now worrying about the sentencing are not helpful at all for his physical or mental health.
So that's the news on Dad, which is unfortunately, not really any news right now. Will update again when we get the MRI results and know what he's going to do about treatment.
November 11th, 2008
Good things!
~ Okay, so good news for Dad - he was able to find a place to do the MRI for only $800. Much better than the $3k we started at. We do that on Wednesday and will have to decide on a treatment plan once the doc gets the results.
~ Our realtor called yesterday afternoon and said someone wants to make a cash offer on our place and schedule the closing on December 19. We don't know the amount yet, but it's encouraging to already have somebody interested enough to put in an offer. Scary though - with the prospect of an offer today, it just sort of dawned on me that part of the whole selling our home and buying a new one also involves me having to actually leave this place that I love so much. Just have to keep reminding myself that it's all for a good cause, and that despite how much I love our condo, I have been dying for more space for years. So exciting to think about a new place and the baby's room and making a new home!
~ As for me and Peanut and Mr. Fantastic, we all went and had the ultrasound yesterday. It seems I am carrying a GIANT MUTANT ALIEN BABY. But that's only if you ask me. If you ask the Susie the Ultrasound Lady, she will tell you that despite Peanut weighing 2.1 POUNDS right now, he is less than two weeks ahead sizewise and therefore we all have nothing to worry about. She also mentioned again about how active he is and speculated that he must really be thumping me good. (She's right!) He's also moved himself back to breech. He's sitting sort of in a V shape, folded in half with his butt at the bottom, his head to my left and his feet to my right.
Mr. F's favorite part, like mine, was seeing the baby move, but more specifically, seeing the heartbeat. It's so amazing and something you can't get from seeing the pictures. I'm so glad Mr. F was able to be there for it.
Susie the Ultrasound Lady took lots of pictures again, incliuding a couple of the 3D ones, which are almost less cute than the regular pics because the baby looks sort of lumpy and weird. But still pretty cute! And she measured my fluid levels, which were fine and she told us how long he was but now I've forgotten. Book says average is 1.5 pounds and 13.5 inches, or roughly the size of your average rutabaga. Not that any of us have actually ever seen a rutabega in our lives, but whatever. So, at 33 ounces Peanut is bigger than a Big Gulp! Also, bigger than an American football, which is about 11 inches long and weighs about 15 ounces. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that!
Speaking of size, we saw our neice and nephew on Halloween. I was chatting with Patrick, who is 7, and he said to me, "So, what are you going to call him now? He's way too big to be a Peanut anymore!" I laughed and suggested maybe we call him Pumpkin instead. And then this weekend, the whole Fantastic clan got together for a big dinner, and when Patrick saw me, he came over and put his face right by my tummy and said, "Hi, Pumpkin!" So cute.
~ Our realtor called yesterday afternoon and said someone wants to make a cash offer on our place and schedule the closing on December 19. We don't know the amount yet, but it's encouraging to already have somebody interested enough to put in an offer. Scary though - with the prospect of an offer today, it just sort of dawned on me that part of the whole selling our home and buying a new one also involves me having to actually leave this place that I love so much. Just have to keep reminding myself that it's all for a good cause, and that despite how much I love our condo, I have been dying for more space for years. So exciting to think about a new place and the baby's room and making a new home!
~ As for me and Peanut and Mr. Fantastic, we all went and had the ultrasound yesterday. It seems I am carrying a GIANT MUTANT ALIEN BABY. But that's only if you ask me. If you ask the Susie the Ultrasound Lady, she will tell you that despite Peanut weighing 2.1 POUNDS right now, he is less than two weeks ahead sizewise and therefore we all have nothing to worry about. She also mentioned again about how active he is and speculated that he must really be thumping me good. (She's right!) He's also moved himself back to breech. He's sitting sort of in a V shape, folded in half with his butt at the bottom, his head to my left and his feet to my right.
Mr. F's favorite part, like mine, was seeing the baby move, but more specifically, seeing the heartbeat. It's so amazing and something you can't get from seeing the pictures. I'm so glad Mr. F was able to be there for it.
Susie the Ultrasound Lady took lots of pictures again, incliuding a couple of the 3D ones, which are almost less cute than the regular pics because the baby looks sort of lumpy and weird. But still pretty cute! And she measured my fluid levels, which were fine and she told us how long he was but now I've forgotten. Book says average is 1.5 pounds and 13.5 inches, or roughly the size of your average rutabaga. Not that any of us have actually ever seen a rutabega in our lives, but whatever. So, at 33 ounces Peanut is bigger than a Big Gulp! Also, bigger than an American football, which is about 11 inches long and weighs about 15 ounces. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that!
Speaking of size, we saw our neice and nephew on Halloween. I was chatting with Patrick, who is 7, and he said to me, "So, what are you going to call him now? He's way too big to be a Peanut anymore!" I laughed and suggested maybe we call him Pumpkin instead. And then this weekend, the whole Fantastic clan got together for a big dinner, and when Patrick saw me, he came over and put his face right by my tummy and said, "Hi, Pumpkin!" So cute.
November 7th, 2008
It's SuperPeanut!
Week 25
Saw the Dr. on Wednesday. No news except I'm measuring 3 cm big, so I'm scheduled for a growth ultrasound on Monday, just to check the baby's size. On the one hand, I'm glad because I always want another chance to see the baby, plus since Mr. Fantastic had to miss the last one in October, this means he gets a chance to see the baby again too.
But on the other hand, I'm concerned about being labeled with a "big" baby. A lot of times that means your doctors will pressure you into inducing earlier than 40 weeks and I really want to avoid induction if at all possible. I'm not going for natural childbirth, i.e. drug-free, or anything, but I don't like what the dugs they use to induce do.
This could be concern over nothing - there's a lot of reasons for me to measure big that don't actually mean a big baby. Could be just how the baby is positioned inside or some extra belly fat on my part, etc. However, at the scan a month ago, the tech did say the baby was about 14.5 oz, which is larger than the 10.5-12 that's average. It may end up in another month that we're right on target and there's nothing to worry about, so we'll really just have to wait and see as we get closer.
I'm interested to see how big they say Peanut is now, because he certainly feels huge. And active - he's moving around like crazy these days. It's distracting, especially when I'm trying to go to sleep. It's not hurting or anything, but I do have to keep giving him a stern talking-to about letting Mommy sleep or work.
Also at the appointment this week the doc said I have to have my glucose test this month, and now that I'm in the third trimester, she wants to see me every two weeks instead of once a month. That part was surprising - I didn't think they would need to start seeing me more often until later.
My book tells me I should be gaining a pound a week now. I am doing my best - can't believe how hungry I am, all the time. I am now 3.5 pounds up from my pre-pregnancy weight but I don't see me gaining a pound a week yet. It's hard for me to eat very much at one time, what with my stomach being so small and the baby taking up so much room. So I'll eat and then an hour later, need to eat again.
I've had quite a few blood-sugar related incidents lately, just like what used to happen after my surgery before I'd figured out my new way of eating. Basically now, when I don't keep on top of eating, my blood sugar will drop pretty quickly and I'll get sweaty, dizzy and start having tunnel vision and in general just feel crappy until I can get some protein and some sugar into my system. I carry peanut M&M's with me most of the time in case of this happening because the combination of the chocolate and peanuts seems to keep me from crashing too hard until I can eat actual food.
Anyway, all that to say, I think I'm going to have to pick back up with my eating plan - at least set my alarms again to remind me when to eat and start having my protein shake for breakfast again. Kind of a bummer, because I really was enjoying my zen-like eat-what-I-want-when-I-want plan, but I'm just not keeping up with how fast Peanut is growing.
Otherwise, I still feel pretty great. Sleeping is still only mildly uncomfortable, however a lot of times I wake up tired. I don't think I'm sleeping as soundly as I could be but in general, all is well.
Saw the Dr. on Wednesday. No news except I'm measuring 3 cm big, so I'm scheduled for a growth ultrasound on Monday, just to check the baby's size. On the one hand, I'm glad because I always want another chance to see the baby, plus since Mr. Fantastic had to miss the last one in October, this means he gets a chance to see the baby again too.
But on the other hand, I'm concerned about being labeled with a "big" baby. A lot of times that means your doctors will pressure you into inducing earlier than 40 weeks and I really want to avoid induction if at all possible. I'm not going for natural childbirth, i.e. drug-free, or anything, but I don't like what the dugs they use to induce do.
This could be concern over nothing - there's a lot of reasons for me to measure big that don't actually mean a big baby. Could be just how the baby is positioned inside or some extra belly fat on my part, etc. However, at the scan a month ago, the tech did say the baby was about 14.5 oz, which is larger than the 10.5-12 that's average. It may end up in another month that we're right on target and there's nothing to worry about, so we'll really just have to wait and see as we get closer.
I'm interested to see how big they say Peanut is now, because he certainly feels huge. And active - he's moving around like crazy these days. It's distracting, especially when I'm trying to go to sleep. It's not hurting or anything, but I do have to keep giving him a stern talking-to about letting Mommy sleep or work.
Also at the appointment this week the doc said I have to have my glucose test this month, and now that I'm in the third trimester, she wants to see me every two weeks instead of once a month. That part was surprising - I didn't think they would need to start seeing me more often until later.
My book tells me I should be gaining a pound a week now. I am doing my best - can't believe how hungry I am, all the time. I am now 3.5 pounds up from my pre-pregnancy weight but I don't see me gaining a pound a week yet. It's hard for me to eat very much at one time, what with my stomach being so small and the baby taking up so much room. So I'll eat and then an hour later, need to eat again.
I've had quite a few blood-sugar related incidents lately, just like what used to happen after my surgery before I'd figured out my new way of eating. Basically now, when I don't keep on top of eating, my blood sugar will drop pretty quickly and I'll get sweaty, dizzy and start having tunnel vision and in general just feel crappy until I can get some protein and some sugar into my system. I carry peanut M&M's with me most of the time in case of this happening because the combination of the chocolate and peanuts seems to keep me from crashing too hard until I can eat actual food.
Anyway, all that to say, I think I'm going to have to pick back up with my eating plan - at least set my alarms again to remind me when to eat and start having my protein shake for breakfast again. Kind of a bummer, because I really was enjoying my zen-like eat-what-I-want-when-I-want plan, but I'm just not keeping up with how fast Peanut is growing.
Otherwise, I still feel pretty great. Sleeping is still only mildly uncomfortable, however a lot of times I wake up tired. I don't think I'm sleeping as soundly as I could be but in general, all is well.
October 30th, 2008
What's going on...
Okay, first - news on Dad. Unfortunately, it's not much. They told us the cancer is "moderately aggressive" and said they didn't catch it early like they like to do, but they're not late either. They caught it "medium." So, could be worse, I guess.
First thing they want to do is have him get an MRI, then they'll determine what kind of treatment they'll do. The two options are to do surgery (which is less expensive) or to do radiation for 7 weeks paired with a hormone treatment (more expensive). However, this all depends on the results of the MRI and also what kind of side effects Dad is willing to accept on a possible permanent basis. The doctor was really great about acknowledging Dad's situation regarding insurance and money and trying to come up with the best plan of action.
So Dad has homework now - he's got to get the MRI done within a month, but as a self-paying customer, he can go anywhere he wants to go, as opposed to just where the insurance or the doc says to go. So his homework is to research places to get it done and negotiate an acceptable price. The doctor said he should be able to negotiate a price the same as whatever their best insurance company pays, especially if he pays with a credit card. That's pretty much it for now.
In other news - which means Peanut, because face it, unlike most of my other hobbies, this is one I'm doing 24 hours a day and am therefore completely consumed by it - things are moving along nicely. I'm in week 24, which means I am 6 months pregnant, yikes! It has gone by so fast and I can't believe I'm already halfway through. Less than 4 months until my due date.
I am still feeling really good, although sleeping is getting harder. Aside from starting to feel uncomfortable, I feel like I'm just not sleeping very soundly, and of course have to get up to pee at least once a night. All very common, according to my books. I've also gained some weight! Last I checked, I was one pound over my pre-pregnancy weight, so we are at a net gain of +1 now. Slightly under the +20 my books tell me, but the doctor wasn't worried at the last appointment, so neither am I.
I do seem to be growing by leaps and bounds, however. Though I'm not putting on much weight, my belly is getting bigger and bigger. To be honest, I feel huge and ungainly despite the fact that people keep saying I'm "tiny." Har har, I've never been "tiny" in my life. At 5 feet tall, short, yes. Tiny, no. Anyway, I'm finding it's getting a little harder to breathe and harder to eat very much at one time, what with Peanut taking up all the good real estate. If I feel like this now, I shudder to think how much of a whale I'm going to feel like in two months!
Peanut is VERY active now - moving around like crazy and has even given me some pretty painful thumps that were quite a surpise. And he's no longer playing Hide From Daddy, so Mr. Fantastic and I have a new pastime of laying on the couch with his hand on my belly, just feeling Peanut. Also, we enjoy putting the remote control on my belly and watching it twitch.
Maybe it's just because I'm perpetually sappy, but I really love sharing that time with Mr. F. I love how much time he spends rubbing my belly or resting his cheek on it or kissing it...especially since my entire life, my biggest physical insecurity has been my flabby belly. It's so much more attractive (to me) now and where I had always shied away from Mr. F touching me there, now I welcome it. Plus, it's absolutely adorable watching him and I find it completely endearing. It's making me love him more every day. [/sap]
And finally, might I add that LL Cool J on last night's Martha Stewart was priceless.
First thing they want to do is have him get an MRI, then they'll determine what kind of treatment they'll do. The two options are to do surgery (which is less expensive) or to do radiation for 7 weeks paired with a hormone treatment (more expensive). However, this all depends on the results of the MRI and also what kind of side effects Dad is willing to accept on a possible permanent basis. The doctor was really great about acknowledging Dad's situation regarding insurance and money and trying to come up with the best plan of action.
So Dad has homework now - he's got to get the MRI done within a month, but as a self-paying customer, he can go anywhere he wants to go, as opposed to just where the insurance or the doc says to go. So his homework is to research places to get it done and negotiate an acceptable price. The doctor said he should be able to negotiate a price the same as whatever their best insurance company pays, especially if he pays with a credit card. That's pretty much it for now.
In other news - which means Peanut, because face it, unlike most of my other hobbies, this is one I'm doing 24 hours a day and am therefore completely consumed by it - things are moving along nicely. I'm in week 24, which means I am 6 months pregnant, yikes! It has gone by so fast and I can't believe I'm already halfway through. Less than 4 months until my due date.
I am still feeling really good, although sleeping is getting harder. Aside from starting to feel uncomfortable, I feel like I'm just not sleeping very soundly, and of course have to get up to pee at least once a night. All very common, according to my books. I've also gained some weight! Last I checked, I was one pound over my pre-pregnancy weight, so we are at a net gain of +1 now. Slightly under the +20 my books tell me, but the doctor wasn't worried at the last appointment, so neither am I.
I do seem to be growing by leaps and bounds, however. Though I'm not putting on much weight, my belly is getting bigger and bigger. To be honest, I feel huge and ungainly despite the fact that people keep saying I'm "tiny." Har har, I've never been "tiny" in my life. At 5 feet tall, short, yes. Tiny, no. Anyway, I'm finding it's getting a little harder to breathe and harder to eat very much at one time, what with Peanut taking up all the good real estate. If I feel like this now, I shudder to think how much of a whale I'm going to feel like in two months!
Peanut is VERY active now - moving around like crazy and has even given me some pretty painful thumps that were quite a surpise. And he's no longer playing Hide From Daddy, so Mr. Fantastic and I have a new pastime of laying on the couch with his hand on my belly, just feeling Peanut. Also, we enjoy putting the remote control on my belly and watching it twitch.
Maybe it's just because I'm perpetually sappy, but I really love sharing that time with Mr. F. I love how much time he spends rubbing my belly or resting his cheek on it or kissing it...especially since my entire life, my biggest physical insecurity has been my flabby belly. It's so much more attractive (to me) now and where I had always shied away from Mr. F touching me there, now I welcome it. Plus, it's absolutely adorable watching him and I find it completely endearing. It's making me love him more every day. [/sap]
And finally, might I add that LL Cool J on last night's Martha Stewart was priceless.
October 20th, 2008
Just when things are going good...
Something else happens. Don't worry, I'm good, Peanut's good. But we got some bad news about my Dad last week...he's got prostate cancer.
We won't know anything more until we meet with the doctor next Monday to discuss everything. I know this kind of cancer is easily treatable, and I am encouraged by the fact they waited two weeks for the conference as opposed to rushing right away to meet with us. I take that to mean they’re not overly concerned at this point. So right now at least, I’m feeling pretty optimistic.
The worst part about this right now, is actually the fact that Dad has no health insurance. We’ve been unable to get him coverage for several years because he’s not old enough for Medicare but his “income” is too high to qualify for assistance, yet he can’t afford individual insurance on his own. He is one of the many uninsured in America that "slip through the cracks."
I honestly don’t know what he's going to do and I have no idea how much it’s going to cost. We really have to wait and see what kind of treatment they're recommending before we can have any idea what to expect cost-wise. And of course, it would be pointless to get him health insurance now, because any individual policy he purchased would give him a pre-existing condition exclusion for any treatment related to the cancer.
I haven't updated about my dad much lately, because he's been doing really great and I didn't want to jinx things. But back in June, he quit drinking. He even completed an intensive outpatient rehab program and has been going to weekly AA meetings. He even has a sponsor. Mostly, he chose to quit as a reaction to his DUI in hopes that his sentencing would be lighter (we'll find out in Nov), but as the program progressed, he really seemed to have a change of heart and came to a real understanding about what he's been doing.
The biggest difference I've noticed this time is that he no longer acts like he doesn't have a problem. In the past, he's never admitted that he's an alcoholic, never said the words aloud. This time, he has. Now, he talks about not drinking as something he has to do for the rest of his life. It's been really good for him, mentally as well as physically. He seems happier, is more pleasant to be around and he just looks a million times healthier and heartier than he used to. I am so, so proud of him for recognizing his problem and making such a huge change in his life.
It's such a shame that he's made this wonderful change in his life, only to get sick now. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we'll be able to get him well quickly and without breaking the bank. I really want him to be around for a lot longer, I want him to be a part of Peanut's life, I want him to continue being a part of my life.
As always, I'll take any good karma you want to send our way and I'll keep you posted.
We won't know anything more until we meet with the doctor next Monday to discuss everything. I know this kind of cancer is easily treatable, and I am encouraged by the fact they waited two weeks for the conference as opposed to rushing right away to meet with us. I take that to mean they’re not overly concerned at this point. So right now at least, I’m feeling pretty optimistic.
The worst part about this right now, is actually the fact that Dad has no health insurance. We’ve been unable to get him coverage for several years because he’s not old enough for Medicare but his “income” is too high to qualify for assistance, yet he can’t afford individual insurance on his own. He is one of the many uninsured in America that "slip through the cracks."
I honestly don’t know what he's going to do and I have no idea how much it’s going to cost. We really have to wait and see what kind of treatment they're recommending before we can have any idea what to expect cost-wise. And of course, it would be pointless to get him health insurance now, because any individual policy he purchased would give him a pre-existing condition exclusion for any treatment related to the cancer.
I haven't updated about my dad much lately, because he's been doing really great and I didn't want to jinx things. But back in June, he quit drinking. He even completed an intensive outpatient rehab program and has been going to weekly AA meetings. He even has a sponsor. Mostly, he chose to quit as a reaction to his DUI in hopes that his sentencing would be lighter (we'll find out in Nov), but as the program progressed, he really seemed to have a change of heart and came to a real understanding about what he's been doing.
The biggest difference I've noticed this time is that he no longer acts like he doesn't have a problem. In the past, he's never admitted that he's an alcoholic, never said the words aloud. This time, he has. Now, he talks about not drinking as something he has to do for the rest of his life. It's been really good for him, mentally as well as physically. He seems happier, is more pleasant to be around and he just looks a million times healthier and heartier than he used to. I am so, so proud of him for recognizing his problem and making such a huge change in his life.
It's such a shame that he's made this wonderful change in his life, only to get sick now. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we'll be able to get him well quickly and without breaking the bank. I really want him to be around for a lot longer, I want him to be a part of Peanut's life, I want him to continue being a part of my life.
As always, I'll take any good karma you want to send our way and I'll keep you posted.
October 15th, 2008
State of the Peanut
Week 22
Still feeling great for the most part, although I think I'm developing lactose intolerance or at least some kind of a thing with milk. I can have dairy – cheese, yogurt, even ice cream – with no problem, but if I just drink some milk it makes me incredibly sick. Very strange. Before my surgery, I drank a ton of milk but after it was much harder on me and I cut back. But just in the last month or so, if I have any more than a mouthful, I get terrible stomach troubles. Ugh. Mr. Fantastic is worried about my calcium intake but I have assured him I take calcium daily in addition to my prenatal vitamin, and I also drink calcium-fortified o.j. So nothing to really worry about except I hope I'm not passing on some kind of milk allergy to Peanut.
Mr. Peanut is still being a rock star, more so every day. Right now he's got a lot of room inside still and so has plenty of space to move around. Which means he is all over the place – I'll feel movement on one side and seconds later, there he is on the other side.
Every time I feel a twitch, it makes me smile. I have never been pregnant before and had no idea how it would feel, how I would feel. It's weird, to think of this whole other being inside you, sleeping and hiccupping and going about his day. But it's also just an absolutely amazing feeling, having these frequent reminders that it's my child in there and I'm growing a person.
It's also really funny to feel Peanut react to certain things I eat. Depending on what it is, sometimes he really goes crazy. Like when we had Mexican food the other day – seriously after about two bites he was jumping all over the place. He got so active so suddenly that it surprised me and I started laughing at the table. Or I'll take a bite of something and immediately get a twitch in response and I'll say, "Oh, Peanut likes this!"
I can't wait until Mr. F can feel the movement. It's something I really want to be able to share with him. Especially because I think Peanut is playing a game with Daddy, trying to see how many times he can make him come over to feel and then hide.
Peanut: *twitch*
Me: Oh!
Peanut: *twitch twitch twitch*
Me: Hee!
Peanut: *twitchtwitchtwitch twitchtwitchtwitch*
Mr. F: Really? *feels my belly*
Peanut: *crickets chirping*
Mr. F: Darn.
Me: Sorry, honey.
Peanut: *gleeful cackle*
Really, it's prolly another couple of weeks before Mr. F will be able to feel from the outside, but I still can't help imagining Peanut is being devious, especially considering who his parents are.
By the way, I had croissants with Nutella baked inside for breakfast today, per![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
ihavecake's suggestion. NOM. Very, very delicious and so easy to do. And seriously, like one of the best things I have ever eaten in my entire life. As good as the Nutella crepes we had on the Eifel Tower. Maybe better because I didn't have to go all the way to Paris for them. I highly recommend you try it. (The croissants, not Paris. Although, Paris isn't too bad either.)
Still feeling great for the most part, although I think I'm developing lactose intolerance or at least some kind of a thing with milk. I can have dairy – cheese, yogurt, even ice cream – with no problem, but if I just drink some milk it makes me incredibly sick. Very strange. Before my surgery, I drank a ton of milk but after it was much harder on me and I cut back. But just in the last month or so, if I have any more than a mouthful, I get terrible stomach troubles. Ugh. Mr. Fantastic is worried about my calcium intake but I have assured him I take calcium daily in addition to my prenatal vitamin, and I also drink calcium-fortified o.j. So nothing to really worry about except I hope I'm not passing on some kind of milk allergy to Peanut.
Mr. Peanut is still being a rock star, more so every day. Right now he's got a lot of room inside still and so has plenty of space to move around. Which means he is all over the place – I'll feel movement on one side and seconds later, there he is on the other side.
Every time I feel a twitch, it makes me smile. I have never been pregnant before and had no idea how it would feel, how I would feel. It's weird, to think of this whole other being inside you, sleeping and hiccupping and going about his day. But it's also just an absolutely amazing feeling, having these frequent reminders that it's my child in there and I'm growing a person.
It's also really funny to feel Peanut react to certain things I eat. Depending on what it is, sometimes he really goes crazy. Like when we had Mexican food the other day – seriously after about two bites he was jumping all over the place. He got so active so suddenly that it surprised me and I started laughing at the table. Or I'll take a bite of something and immediately get a twitch in response and I'll say, "Oh, Peanut likes this!"
I can't wait until Mr. F can feel the movement. It's something I really want to be able to share with him. Especially because I think Peanut is playing a game with Daddy, trying to see how many times he can make him come over to feel and then hide.
Peanut: *twitch*
Me: Oh!
Peanut: *twitch twitch twitch*
Me: Hee!
Peanut: *twitchtwitchtwitch twitchtwitchtwitch*
Mr. F: Really? *feels my belly*
Peanut: *crickets chirping*
Mr. F: Darn.
Me: Sorry, honey.
Peanut: *gleeful cackle*
Really, it's prolly another couple of weeks before Mr. F will be able to feel from the outside, but I still can't help imagining Peanut is being devious, especially considering who his parents are.
By the way, I had croissants with Nutella baked inside for breakfast today, per
ihavecake's suggestion. NOM. Very, very delicious and so easy to do. And seriously, like one of the best things I have ever eaten in my entire life. As good as the Nutella crepes we had on the Eifel Tower. Maybe better because I didn't have to go all the way to Paris for them. I highly recommend you try it. (The croissants, not Paris. Although, Paris isn't too bad either.)October 8th, 2008
It's a...
Boy!
So the 28% of you who voted boy may now feel smug in your correctness. Sorry to you 49% who voted girl. Consolation prize to the 23% of you who voted Peanut would be an uncooperative little dickens who won't show us his or her bits, because Peanut did indeed begin the scan by uncooperatively holding the umbilical cord in front of his privates. However, he was movin' and groovin' like crazy and eventually gave us several excellent crotch shots with clear and definitive evidence of a willy. The ultrasound tech called him a "rock star," he was moving around so much. In fact, when we started the scan, he was in breech position (butt down) but by the end of the scan, he had flipped himself around and ended up in vertex postion (head down).
The visit went well - everything looks great and they estimated he weighs about 14.5 ounces, which is bigger than my book suggests for this week, but which the doc said is right on target. I also gained 1.4 pounds since my last visit - well done, me! And they are not concerned in the slightest about my weight because the baby is growing just fine and that's all they really want. I'm feeling great - lots of energy, not sick at all, plus I'm feeling lots of movement now, although I was shocked that I didn't feel it at all when Peanut did his big flip.
So now we have to start thinking names, which we haven't really done with much seriousness beyond me throwing things at Mr. Fantastic everytime he jokes that we should call the baby Gorak. Mr. F was very excited to hear it's a boy - he, too, was certain it was going to be a girl. H3 and I decided everyone thought girl because I'm such a girly girl that it just seemed fitting. Anyway, now Mr. F can start thinking about football and all the other exciting boy things we'll get to do. My poor neice will have to settle for continuing to be the only girl cousin - until next time!
Today was such a great day. Cousin H3 came to the appointment with me since Mr. F is still out of town. And then we went and got some lunch, then pedicures, then absolutely blissful prenatal massages followed up by yummy dinner at PF Changs. It was wonderful to spend the day with her, and I'm so glad she was there to share the ultrasound with me. We are both so thrilled we're both having boys!
So the 28% of you who voted boy may now feel smug in your correctness. Sorry to you 49% who voted girl. Consolation prize to the 23% of you who voted Peanut would be an uncooperative little dickens who won't show us his or her bits, because Peanut did indeed begin the scan by uncooperatively holding the umbilical cord in front of his privates. However, he was movin' and groovin' like crazy and eventually gave us several excellent crotch shots with clear and definitive evidence of a willy. The ultrasound tech called him a "rock star," he was moving around so much. In fact, when we started the scan, he was in breech position (butt down) but by the end of the scan, he had flipped himself around and ended up in vertex postion (head down).
The visit went well - everything looks great and they estimated he weighs about 14.5 ounces, which is bigger than my book suggests for this week, but which the doc said is right on target. I also gained 1.4 pounds since my last visit - well done, me! And they are not concerned in the slightest about my weight because the baby is growing just fine and that's all they really want. I'm feeling great - lots of energy, not sick at all, plus I'm feeling lots of movement now, although I was shocked that I didn't feel it at all when Peanut did his big flip.
So now we have to start thinking names, which we haven't really done with much seriousness beyond me throwing things at Mr. Fantastic everytime he jokes that we should call the baby Gorak. Mr. F was very excited to hear it's a boy - he, too, was certain it was going to be a girl. H3 and I decided everyone thought girl because I'm such a girly girl that it just seemed fitting. Anyway, now Mr. F can start thinking about football and all the other exciting boy things we'll get to do. My poor neice will have to settle for continuing to be the only girl cousin - until next time!
Today was such a great day. Cousin H3 came to the appointment with me since Mr. F is still out of town. And then we went and got some lunch, then pedicures, then absolutely blissful prenatal massages followed up by yummy dinner at PF Changs. It was wonderful to spend the day with her, and I'm so glad she was there to share the ultrasound with me. We are both so thrilled we're both having boys!
October 1st, 2008
State of the Me
Okay. Time for another state of the me. Lots happening.
Firstly, I've got the plague again, even worse than last time. I'm feeling better today, but for the last few days I've felt like death. The worst part is not being able to rely on my precious DayQuil to fix me. My OB says Tylenol and allergy pills, but the 24-hour Claritin I had wasn't making a dent. Mr. Fantastic took my miserable self to the grocery store where we spent like $50 on cold remedies and Halloween candy, both of which made me feel immensely better. The doctor suggested I try Benadryl or Sudafed instead of the Claritin, so we got both, but so far I have only tried the Benadryl. I must bow before the altar of Benadryl, for it hath ended my misery. Thank goodness! I haven't taken it since I was a kid, because it used to make me super hyper. Now, it puts me right to sleep and dried up all my sneezy sniffles. Ahhh.
Even though the plague is under control, we still have a lot going on. With Peanut on the way, we've decided to sell our one-bedroom condo and buy a house. Yikes, in this market?! I know. But we don't have room in our place for us, let alone a baby. Technically, we'd prolly have room for the actual baby, just not for all the associated crap that comes with a baby. Anyway, so the realtor came over last week to check out our place and basically told us that half our stuff had to go. So this weekend, despite the plague and general feelings of avoidance, Mr. F and I rented a storage unit and packed away a whole bunch of stuff. It was a very daunting task which mostly involved heavy lifting on Mr. F's part and the filling of boxes on mine. Plus both of our brothers came to help with the lifting and driving portion, so it went pretty quickly.
We have crazy storage space here – awesome closets which, over the course of 6+ years, I have been able to cram full of an amazing amount of crap. It was kind of cleansing going through and tossing stuff or putting things in the goodwill pile. Plus, now my closets look unbelievably organized and actually as if they will hold more than I already know they do. Huh. I would've thought it would be a bonus for buyers to see just how much crap you can fit into a closet, but apparently not.
Our place, now devoid of all "personal" touches such as photographs and tchotchkes and literally half our furniture, looks like a hotel. Well, a very messy hotel, anyway, until I get around to straightening up and arranging what's left of our stuff. Once the place is all spiffed up, our realtor will come back and take pictures and such and get us on the market.
It's kind of sad, really, but I guess not having too much stuff or anything personal is what helps potential buyers imagine themselves living in your home. I don't want to leave here but there's just no way we can stay. *sad face* Still, I am really looking forward to a new house and preparing for this next step in our lives. I hope someone sees our place and falls just as much in love with it as we did. And then wants to give us lots of money for the privilege of living here.
The scary part of this whole moving house thing is that we can't buy a place until we sell ours. Which means once we get a contract on our place, we have like three days to pack the rest of our stuff and move out, as well as look for and buy a new place of our own. Yikes, again. I suppose if we had to, we can put the rest of our stuff in storage and live in a hotel for a week or whatever until we find a house we love. Daunting prospect, regardless!
So, along with the plague and the moving house thing…Mr. Fantastic has changed jobs. He hated his old job, has done for a long time and basically was dreading going in to the office every day. It was draining all the life and happiness from him. Even though it's not exactly the best time for it, he left. The good news is that he got a contract for two to three weeks with his brother-in-law's company. It's great money for such a short period, and it's doing something completely different which will be a good change for him.
The bad news is the job is in Nebraska. He left this morning. He was very wary of leaving me for such a long period of time, and truthfully, I'm not thrilled to have him gone, but we decided it was the best thing for us to do right now. I'm fine and there's no reason for him to worry about me or the baby, although that's not going to actually stop him worrying. Mostly, I think we'll just miss each other a whole bunch. I already feel kind of lonely in my half-empty house that's now empty of him, too.
We're not entirely sure how we're going to manage this whole packing up and moving and whatnot with him being gone, but we'll make it work. He keeps reminding me not to lift anything heavy, but it's mostly toasters and lamps and pillows and such now, so I'm not worried about that. And we still have to think about what Mr. F will be doing when he gets back in a few weeks, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.
Anyway, I've got a lot on my mind. Monday was a bad day – I was feeling so dreadful and thinking about all the things happening and had a few spontaneous bouts of weepiness that I know made Mr. F feel awful too. Now that I'm not feeling so sick, things don't seem as overwhelming but it's still a lot to have going on all at once. I know everything will be fine but phew, some days it feels like too much.
Firstly, I've got the plague again, even worse than last time. I'm feeling better today, but for the last few days I've felt like death. The worst part is not being able to rely on my precious DayQuil to fix me. My OB says Tylenol and allergy pills, but the 24-hour Claritin I had wasn't making a dent. Mr. Fantastic took my miserable self to the grocery store where we spent like $50 on cold remedies and Halloween candy, both of which made me feel immensely better. The doctor suggested I try Benadryl or Sudafed instead of the Claritin, so we got both, but so far I have only tried the Benadryl. I must bow before the altar of Benadryl, for it hath ended my misery. Thank goodness! I haven't taken it since I was a kid, because it used to make me super hyper. Now, it puts me right to sleep and dried up all my sneezy sniffles. Ahhh.
Even though the plague is under control, we still have a lot going on. With Peanut on the way, we've decided to sell our one-bedroom condo and buy a house. Yikes, in this market?! I know. But we don't have room in our place for us, let alone a baby. Technically, we'd prolly have room for the actual baby, just not for all the associated crap that comes with a baby. Anyway, so the realtor came over last week to check out our place and basically told us that half our stuff had to go. So this weekend, despite the plague and general feelings of avoidance, Mr. F and I rented a storage unit and packed away a whole bunch of stuff. It was a very daunting task which mostly involved heavy lifting on Mr. F's part and the filling of boxes on mine. Plus both of our brothers came to help with the lifting and driving portion, so it went pretty quickly.
We have crazy storage space here – awesome closets which, over the course of 6+ years, I have been able to cram full of an amazing amount of crap. It was kind of cleansing going through and tossing stuff or putting things in the goodwill pile. Plus, now my closets look unbelievably organized and actually as if they will hold more than I already know they do. Huh. I would've thought it would be a bonus for buyers to see just how much crap you can fit into a closet, but apparently not.
Our place, now devoid of all "personal" touches such as photographs and tchotchkes and literally half our furniture, looks like a hotel. Well, a very messy hotel, anyway, until I get around to straightening up and arranging what's left of our stuff. Once the place is all spiffed up, our realtor will come back and take pictures and such and get us on the market.
It's kind of sad, really, but I guess not having too much stuff or anything personal is what helps potential buyers imagine themselves living in your home. I don't want to leave here but there's just no way we can stay. *sad face* Still, I am really looking forward to a new house and preparing for this next step in our lives. I hope someone sees our place and falls just as much in love with it as we did. And then wants to give us lots of money for the privilege of living here.
The scary part of this whole moving house thing is that we can't buy a place until we sell ours. Which means once we get a contract on our place, we have like three days to pack the rest of our stuff and move out, as well as look for and buy a new place of our own. Yikes, again. I suppose if we had to, we can put the rest of our stuff in storage and live in a hotel for a week or whatever until we find a house we love. Daunting prospect, regardless!
So, along with the plague and the moving house thing…Mr. Fantastic has changed jobs. He hated his old job, has done for a long time and basically was dreading going in to the office every day. It was draining all the life and happiness from him. Even though it's not exactly the best time for it, he left. The good news is that he got a contract for two to three weeks with his brother-in-law's company. It's great money for such a short period, and it's doing something completely different which will be a good change for him.
The bad news is the job is in Nebraska. He left this morning. He was very wary of leaving me for such a long period of time, and truthfully, I'm not thrilled to have him gone, but we decided it was the best thing for us to do right now. I'm fine and there's no reason for him to worry about me or the baby, although that's not going to actually stop him worrying. Mostly, I think we'll just miss each other a whole bunch. I already feel kind of lonely in my half-empty house that's now empty of him, too.
We're not entirely sure how we're going to manage this whole packing up and moving and whatnot with him being gone, but we'll make it work. He keeps reminding me not to lift anything heavy, but it's mostly toasters and lamps and pillows and such now, so I'm not worried about that. And we still have to think about what Mr. F will be doing when he gets back in a few weeks, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.
Anyway, I've got a lot on my mind. Monday was a bad day – I was feeling so dreadful and thinking about all the things happening and had a few spontaneous bouts of weepiness that I know made Mr. F feel awful too. Now that I'm not feeling so sick, things don't seem as overwhelming but it's still a lot to have going on all at once. I know everything will be fine but phew, some days it feels like too much.
September 26th, 2008
Pants pants pants! Or, Peanut update.
You may have noticed there has been a dearth of Conversations with Peanut lately. This is because Peanut chose to go on radio silence around about the time he or she stopped making me sick. This is what's called the "second trimester" and is apparently a boring time that messes with your head and makes you wonder if you just imagined being pregnant and feeling crappy for 16 weeks.
The baby hasn't started moving yet and you have no outwardly visible "baby bump," you no longer feel sick or exhausted, and in my case, your pox-ridden skin clears up. Although my boobs no longer hurt, they are still the size of Alaska, which for a few weeks has literally been the only thing reminding me that I am actually growing a human being somewhere in here. It has been the most bizarre thing and has made me question my sanity.
Most of my conversations with Peanut recently have been one-sided and very much like this:
Me: Yoo hoo...anybody at home in there? *poke*
Peanut: [silence]
Me: Hellooooo... *pokepokepopke*
Peanut: [silence]
Me: I know you're in there! It was like, just two weeks ago you were making me eat Cheetos. You can't have gone anywhere. There's nowhere for you to go. I would have noticed.
Peanut: [silence]
Me: Sigh. *pokes morosely*
Peanut: [In my imagination] Leave me alone, lady! I'm growing bones in here!
Thank goodness for my pregger peeps (my girls who are pregnant or have had kids and are sagaciously helping me keep my sanity) who have kept reminding me that it won't be long until I'm feeling Peanut move and am looking pregnant. They have also wisely reminded me that I should be prepared to one day just "pop" - meaning that I will blithely go about with my trousers unbuttoned lamenting the fact that I am never actually going to "seem" pregnant and then the next day there will suddenly be a BABY in there and no amount of pants unzipping will make me comfortable. This happened yesterday.
Mr. F and I went to pub quiz with his mom, brother and sister last night and as I got dressed, I noticed my jeans felt a bit tighter than I'm used to. I zipped them up and left them unbuttoned as per usual and put on my bella band but when I looked in the mirror, I noticed a marked difference from the day before - there was quite obviously a bump there where there had just been my flabby tummy previously. And it just got more noticeable through the evening. I was really uncomfortable, both my belly and my back - I couldn't get comfortable sitting and had to pee a billion times, and eventually ended up with the pants all the way unzipped (thank goodness for the bella band!). I took a couple of pictures when we got home which you can see here. Proof that I have not imagined wee Peanut!
And despite repeated warnings from multiple people that I should have some maternity pants on hand well before I actually needed them, I did not, so Mr. Fantastic had to take me pants shopping today. I am now the proud owner of one new pair of maternity jeans from Target, which are super cute but also weren't cheap and so I will be hitting up friends and family for hand-me-downs.
The baby hasn't started moving yet and you have no outwardly visible "baby bump," you no longer feel sick or exhausted, and in my case, your pox-ridden skin clears up. Although my boobs no longer hurt, they are still the size of Alaska, which for a few weeks has literally been the only thing reminding me that I am actually growing a human being somewhere in here. It has been the most bizarre thing and has made me question my sanity.
Most of my conversations with Peanut recently have been one-sided and very much like this:
Me: Yoo hoo...anybody at home in there? *poke*
Peanut: [silence]
Me: Hellooooo... *pokepokepopke*
Peanut: [silence]
Me: I know you're in there! It was like, just two weeks ago you were making me eat Cheetos. You can't have gone anywhere. There's nowhere for you to go. I would have noticed.
Peanut: [silence]
Me: Sigh. *pokes morosely*
Peanut: [In my imagination] Leave me alone, lady! I'm growing bones in here!
Thank goodness for my pregger peeps (my girls who are pregnant or have had kids and are sagaciously helping me keep my sanity) who have kept reminding me that it won't be long until I'm feeling Peanut move and am looking pregnant. They have also wisely reminded me that I should be prepared to one day just "pop" - meaning that I will blithely go about with my trousers unbuttoned lamenting the fact that I am never actually going to "seem" pregnant and then the next day there will suddenly be a BABY in there and no amount of pants unzipping will make me comfortable. This happened yesterday.
Mr. F and I went to pub quiz with his mom, brother and sister last night and as I got dressed, I noticed my jeans felt a bit tighter than I'm used to. I zipped them up and left them unbuttoned as per usual and put on my bella band but when I looked in the mirror, I noticed a marked difference from the day before - there was quite obviously a bump there where there had just been my flabby tummy previously. And it just got more noticeable through the evening. I was really uncomfortable, both my belly and my back - I couldn't get comfortable sitting and had to pee a billion times, and eventually ended up with the pants all the way unzipped (thank goodness for the bella band!). I took a couple of pictures when we got home which you can see here. Proof that I have not imagined wee Peanut!
And despite repeated warnings from multiple people that I should have some maternity pants on hand well before I actually needed them, I did not, so Mr. Fantastic had to take me pants shopping today. I am now the proud owner of one new pair of maternity jeans from Target, which are super cute but also weren't cheap and so I will be hitting up friends and family for hand-me-downs.
September 23rd, 2008
Peanut update
Week 19
We're in week 19 and so far I'm doing great. Feeling pretty good for the most part. Have noticed a definite increase in hunger, which is great since I'm still down about 5 pounds from pre-pregnancy. I've also started feeling round ligament pain, usually right when I stand up. It's a sharp stabbing pain in my groin that goes away in a second or two and means my ligaments and bones and such are all stretching and whatnot. Also been having ocassional low back pain but that's easily helped with a heating pad.
Something interesting I learned this week: During pregnancy, your body produces a hormone called Relaxin, which causes your muscles and ligaments to loosen up and stretch out. Although it's mainly to help the abdomen and pelvis accomodate the growing baby, it affects your whole body and is the reason many pregnant women get clumsy as they progress. It's also the reason why your feet get bigger, and if you don't wear form-fitting shoes during your pregnancy (many preggers live in flip-flops), your feet can stay permanently stretched out post-partum. (Note to self: keep wearing tennis shoes!)
I still feel cold all the time, although Mr. F says my skin is hot a lot of the time. The other day I went out in 85 degree weather in jeans and a sweater and felt fine! Let's see, my skin's finally back in good shape - in fact on Friday at work, one of the girls told me how great my skin looked - and she didn't know I was pregnant!
Speaking of which, it feels weird that I'm almost 5 months pregnant and you still really cannot tell when I'm wearing clothes. My pants are definitely getting tight - I don't wear any of my pants fastened now, thank goodness for the bella band. Mr. F & I can both feel my lower belly is definitely firmer and swelling a bit, but otherwise, that's really the only outward sign. I was moaning about it the other day to H3, basically that you really can't see that I'm pregnant and I'm not really feeling the baby move yet and she said her doctor told her when she was this many weeks that this is the "boring time" of pregnancy. It's true! I'm just waiting for things to happen. I should just stop being antsy and enjoy feeling so good right now.
So, I'm not sure if I've felt the baby move yet. The doctor told me not to expect it before 20 weeks, and I don't really know what I'm supposed to be feeling, so I'm not sure. But I have been feeling something almost like bubbles bursting or like a little twitch in my abdomen, so maybe that's it. One of my books said the baby is reactive to light now and that if I were to shine a flashlight against my tummy, the baby would most likely flinch away from it. I've been tempted to see if I can get the baby to move by doing that but Mr. F says it's mean and I should just be patient. Sigh.
Last week Peanut weighed about 5 ounces and was about 5.5 inches long, which by the way, is measured "crown to rump" and so doesn't include the legs. He or she also learned how to yawn last week and the nervous system came online. This week Peanut is 6 inches and 8 ounces, about the size of a large mango. (What is it with the fruit comparisons?) Also this week, cartilage throughout the body is turning into bone.
I love the picture the website has given me of what the baby looks like this week. Apparently, the kid's a yoga master. Heh.
Anxious for my next appointment on 10/8, where we will hopefully be finding out if it's a boy Peanut or a girl Peanut!
We're in week 19 and so far I'm doing great. Feeling pretty good for the most part. Have noticed a definite increase in hunger, which is great since I'm still down about 5 pounds from pre-pregnancy. I've also started feeling round ligament pain, usually right when I stand up. It's a sharp stabbing pain in my groin that goes away in a second or two and means my ligaments and bones and such are all stretching and whatnot. Also been having ocassional low back pain but that's easily helped with a heating pad.
Something interesting I learned this week: During pregnancy, your body produces a hormone called Relaxin, which causes your muscles and ligaments to loosen up and stretch out. Although it's mainly to help the abdomen and pelvis accomodate the growing baby, it affects your whole body and is the reason many pregnant women get clumsy as they progress. It's also the reason why your feet get bigger, and if you don't wear form-fitting shoes during your pregnancy (many preggers live in flip-flops), your feet can stay permanently stretched out post-partum. (Note to self: keep wearing tennis shoes!)
I still feel cold all the time, although Mr. F says my skin is hot a lot of the time. The other day I went out in 85 degree weather in jeans and a sweater and felt fine! Let's see, my skin's finally back in good shape - in fact on Friday at work, one of the girls told me how great my skin looked - and she didn't know I was pregnant!
Speaking of which, it feels weird that I'm almost 5 months pregnant and you still really cannot tell when I'm wearing clothes. My pants are definitely getting tight - I don't wear any of my pants fastened now, thank goodness for the bella band. Mr. F & I can both feel my lower belly is definitely firmer and swelling a bit, but otherwise, that's really the only outward sign. I was moaning about it the other day to H3, basically that you really can't see that I'm pregnant and I'm not really feeling the baby move yet and she said her doctor told her when she was this many weeks that this is the "boring time" of pregnancy. It's true! I'm just waiting for things to happen. I should just stop being antsy and enjoy feeling so good right now.
So, I'm not sure if I've felt the baby move yet. The doctor told me not to expect it before 20 weeks, and I don't really know what I'm supposed to be feeling, so I'm not sure. But I have been feeling something almost like bubbles bursting or like a little twitch in my abdomen, so maybe that's it. One of my books said the baby is reactive to light now and that if I were to shine a flashlight against my tummy, the baby would most likely flinch away from it. I've been tempted to see if I can get the baby to move by doing that but Mr. F says it's mean and I should just be patient. Sigh.
Last week Peanut weighed about 5 ounces and was about 5.5 inches long, which by the way, is measured "crown to rump" and so doesn't include the legs. He or she also learned how to yawn last week and the nervous system came online. This week Peanut is 6 inches and 8 ounces, about the size of a large mango. (What is it with the fruit comparisons?) Also this week, cartilage throughout the body is turning into bone.
I love the picture the website has given me of what the baby looks like this week. Apparently, the kid's a yoga master. Heh.
Anxious for my next appointment on 10/8, where we will hopefully be finding out if it's a boy Peanut or a girl Peanut!
September 13th, 2008
Oh! That's your uterus!
I forgot to tell you guys when I went to see the digestive guy, Dr. Fishman - I really liked him. He was very personable and warm and somebody I would love to be friends with. Plus he was from South Africa and had an awesome accent. Anyway, so as part of the exam, I had to undo my pants and lay down so he could poke and prod at my belly.
Dr. F: (on my upper belly) *pokepokepoke*
Me: ...
Dr. F: (on my lower belly) *pokepokepoke* Hmm. *poke...poke...poke*
Me: ...
Dr. F: Hmm! *prod...prod...prod* Oh!
Me: *raised eyebrow*
Dr. F: (delightedly, poking some more at my lower belly) I was going to ask you if you're consitpated...but that's your uterus!
Me: LOL!
Dr. F: (abashed) Sorry...I don't see many pregnant women.
He was so excited to feel my uterus, it was adorable. I'm supposed to go see him again in three months and I'm looking forward to it because he was so charming.
Dr. F: (on my upper belly) *pokepokepoke*
Me: ...
Dr. F: (on my lower belly) *pokepokepoke* Hmm. *poke...poke...poke*
Me: ...
Dr. F: Hmm! *prod...prod...prod* Oh!
Me: *raised eyebrow*
Dr. F: (delightedly, poking some more at my lower belly) I was going to ask you if you're consitpated...but that's your uterus!
Me: LOL!
Dr. F: (abashed) Sorry...I don't see many pregnant women.
He was so excited to feel my uterus, it was adorable. I'm supposed to go see him again in three months and I'm looking forward to it because he was so charming.
September 10th, 2008
All's well in PeanutLand
Week 17
Had my 4-month baby visit today and got to meet my new OB, Dr. Owens. She's really great, and I'll be sticking with her for the next few months until the last trimester, then I'll rotate through the rest of the docs so I can meet them all.
Pretty routine today, talked for a while so she could get to know me and my history. Listened to the heartbeat - always goofily exciting. Plus there was all this background noise which Dr. O said was the baby moving and kicking. I can't believe there's something that big in there that I can't even feel! She said not to get too impatient because most first time moms won't feel anything until 20 weeks.
They also took some blood and are doing something called an AFP test which is routine and checks for defects. I think they told me we'd have results in like 48 hours. Am scheduled for my anataomy scan next time at the 20 week visit, which is when they look at all the parts and hopefully tell us if it's a boy or a girl, as long as Peanut is cooperating.
Dr. O also said it was okay for us to use our heated mattress pad when it gets colder, thank goodness. I was worried about that because one of my books (my least favorite and most alarming) said I should never use a heating pad or electric blanket, take a hot bath or use a hot tub. So far only the hot tub is verboten. Anyway, the doctor chuckled when I asked, saying, "Yeah, sometimes the books can be a little..." and she did this head waggle eye-rolly thing to indicate the panic-inducing, apocalyptic tone of voice some of the books take in instructing you what not to do.
So this one book I have has a section each week called HOW YOUR ACTIONS AFFECT THE BABY. And basically it tells you that every little thing you do (or do not do) can cause untold catastrophic harm to your little one. The dire warnings about everything are very disconcerting and make you worriedly think back over the past month about what you ate and did and how you slept and everything and wonder if you were doing it wrong. Oy. Also, there are warnings in practically every chapter about how my alcohol use/recreational drug use/promiscuity is BAD FOR THE BABY and I really ought to consider quitting. Last chapter was almost entirely dedicated to how to get myself out of a domestic violence situation. I mean, these are all good things to know, but I am clearly not the demographic this book was aimed at. How about you tell me to take a prenatal yoga class or get a massage or something?
My cousin has the same book, only an earlier edition. She called me a couple months ago freaked out because of the ominous section saying sleeping on your back would deprive the baby of all the vital things it needs, such as blood supply. H3 is a back sleeper and was having trouble transitioning to side sleeping and when she went to check the book became suitably alarmed. She had me check my later edition of the book which had the same dire warning against back sleeping verbatim. Right then I decided to take this book with a grain of salt and appreciate it for the excellent pictures of WHAT YOUR BABY LOOKS LIKE THIS WEEK and use my copy of What to Expect for real answers to stuff.
This week Peanut has fingernails, toenails, fingerprints and footprints. Sizewise, he's about five inches long and more than three and a half ounces, about the size of my open hand. I still can't believe there's something that big in there and I can't even tell. I'm really not looking pregnant yet, although my lower belly is getting firmer and some pants are feeling a little tight. Also, my boobs are the size of Alaska but at least they stopped hurting. Skin seems to be pretty much cleared up except for the ocassional spot, and I'm in general feeling pretty good.
Had my 4-month baby visit today and got to meet my new OB, Dr. Owens. She's really great, and I'll be sticking with her for the next few months until the last trimester, then I'll rotate through the rest of the docs so I can meet them all.
Pretty routine today, talked for a while so she could get to know me and my history. Listened to the heartbeat - always goofily exciting. Plus there was all this background noise which Dr. O said was the baby moving and kicking. I can't believe there's something that big in there that I can't even feel! She said not to get too impatient because most first time moms won't feel anything until 20 weeks.
They also took some blood and are doing something called an AFP test which is routine and checks for defects. I think they told me we'd have results in like 48 hours. Am scheduled for my anataomy scan next time at the 20 week visit, which is when they look at all the parts and hopefully tell us if it's a boy or a girl, as long as Peanut is cooperating.
Dr. O also said it was okay for us to use our heated mattress pad when it gets colder, thank goodness. I was worried about that because one of my books (my least favorite and most alarming) said I should never use a heating pad or electric blanket, take a hot bath or use a hot tub. So far only the hot tub is verboten. Anyway, the doctor chuckled when I asked, saying, "Yeah, sometimes the books can be a little..." and she did this head waggle eye-rolly thing to indicate the panic-inducing, apocalyptic tone of voice some of the books take in instructing you what not to do.
So this one book I have has a section each week called HOW YOUR ACTIONS AFFECT THE BABY. And basically it tells you that every little thing you do (or do not do) can cause untold catastrophic harm to your little one. The dire warnings about everything are very disconcerting and make you worriedly think back over the past month about what you ate and did and how you slept and everything and wonder if you were doing it wrong. Oy. Also, there are warnings in practically every chapter about how my alcohol use/recreational drug use/promiscuity is BAD FOR THE BABY and I really ought to consider quitting. Last chapter was almost entirely dedicated to how to get myself out of a domestic violence situation. I mean, these are all good things to know, but I am clearly not the demographic this book was aimed at. How about you tell me to take a prenatal yoga class or get a massage or something?
My cousin has the same book, only an earlier edition. She called me a couple months ago freaked out because of the ominous section saying sleeping on your back would deprive the baby of all the vital things it needs, such as blood supply. H3 is a back sleeper and was having trouble transitioning to side sleeping and when she went to check the book became suitably alarmed. She had me check my later edition of the book which had the same dire warning against back sleeping verbatim. Right then I decided to take this book with a grain of salt and appreciate it for the excellent pictures of WHAT YOUR BABY LOOKS LIKE THIS WEEK and use my copy of What to Expect for real answers to stuff.
This week Peanut has fingernails, toenails, fingerprints and footprints. Sizewise, he's about five inches long and more than three and a half ounces, about the size of my open hand. I still can't believe there's something that big in there and I can't even tell. I'm really not looking pregnant yet, although my lower belly is getting firmer and some pants are feeling a little tight. Also, my boobs are the size of Alaska but at least they stopped hurting. Skin seems to be pretty much cleared up except for the ocassional spot, and I'm in general feeling pretty good.
September 8th, 2008
Health update
Had a consultation today with the whatsits, the digestive guy my surgeon sent me to after the whole bellyache debacle in early August. He was initially very excited to see me as I am apparently an interesting case. And then when I told him I was pregnant he got all disappointed because it meant he couldn't run all the exciting tests he wanted to do. Like, he visibly deflated at the news.
However, we had a nice chat and basically he told me besides doing a bunch of tests which he didn't want to do because of the baby, he would prescribe for me the same medicines they gave me in the ER (Protonix and Sucralfate) and that he wants me to come back in three months or if things change.
The good news is that he's pretty sure what happened both in August and in late February is that it was a gall bladder issue - that I either passed a small stone or what they call "sludge" which is basically the precursor to a stone. These kinds of gall bladder problems are common in people who have lost a significant amount of weight and also with pregnancy. So, not really a surprise but I'm glad somebody had an actual definite opinion on what the problem is as opposed to everybody saying there was no discernible cause. The bad news is there is basically nothing I can do about it to prevent it happening again. Really the only thing I could do is diet related but I'm already doing all the things I'm supposed to, so he told me to keep on like I have been. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that it doesn't happen again so I can continue my Zen relationship with food.
Have an OB appointment on Wednesday, so we'll have a Peanut update then.
ALSO, I am watching John and Kate Plus 8...they're camping out in the backyard. Now I want a S'more. A real, live S'more made over a campfire. Yum. Is there a way I could conceivably make them in my kitchen? If only I had a gas stove, I'd totally roast me a marshmellow.
However, we had a nice chat and basically he told me besides doing a bunch of tests which he didn't want to do because of the baby, he would prescribe for me the same medicines they gave me in the ER (Protonix and Sucralfate) and that he wants me to come back in three months or if things change.
The good news is that he's pretty sure what happened both in August and in late February is that it was a gall bladder issue - that I either passed a small stone or what they call "sludge" which is basically the precursor to a stone. These kinds of gall bladder problems are common in people who have lost a significant amount of weight and also with pregnancy. So, not really a surprise but I'm glad somebody had an actual definite opinion on what the problem is as opposed to everybody saying there was no discernible cause. The bad news is there is basically nothing I can do about it to prevent it happening again. Really the only thing I could do is diet related but I'm already doing all the things I'm supposed to, so he told me to keep on like I have been. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that it doesn't happen again so I can continue my Zen relationship with food.
Have an OB appointment on Wednesday, so we'll have a Peanut update then.
ALSO, I am watching John and Kate Plus 8...they're camping out in the backyard. Now I want a S'more. A real, live S'more made over a campfire. Yum. Is there a way I could conceivably make them in my kitchen? If only I had a gas stove, I'd totally roast me a marshmellow.
August 10th, 2008
Mocking FAIL
Today Mr. Fantastic was telling me about a weird Olympic event he saw last night that he was unfamiliar with.
Mr. F: So, it's basically like a horse...walking around in a rectangle.
Me: Oh! You mean dressage.
Mr. F: I can't believe you know that. *facepalm*
And I didn't know, but apparently he thought it was hilariously geeky of me to know immediately what he was talking about and also actually know the name of the sport. So tonight, we were hanging out with my brother and I overhear Mr. F starting to tell this story, making fun of what an enormous geek I am.
Mr. F: *mockingly* So, I'm telling her that it's bascially like a horse just walking around a rectangle--
Steve: Oh! You mean dressage.
Mr. F: ... *headdesk*
LOL! Poor Mr. F, surrounded by geeks.
Mr. F: So, it's basically like a horse...walking around in a rectangle.
Me: Oh! You mean dressage.
Mr. F: I can't believe you know that. *facepalm*
And I didn't know, but apparently he thought it was hilariously geeky of me to know immediately what he was talking about and also actually know the name of the sport. So tonight, we were hanging out with my brother and I overhear Mr. F starting to tell this story, making fun of what an enormous geek I am.
Mr. F: *mockingly* So, I'm telling her that it's bascially like a horse just walking around a rectangle--
Steve: Oh! You mean dressage.
Mr. F: ... *headdesk*
LOL! Poor Mr. F, surrounded by geeks.
August 3rd, 2008
Reflections on my brother
As many of you know, roughly a year ago, my brother Steve got sick. At the end of last July, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was removed and found to be malignant - a form of melanoma. There were long, worrisome days in the hospital, then more at home as he recovered and went through chemo for six months. Then, this year in March, he had the bottom lobe of his right lung removed to take care of a tumor there that hadn't responded to the chemo. There were more long, worrisome days in the hospital and then again at home as he dealt with an infection.
Finally, at the end of April he was pronounced No Evidence of Disease - the closest the doctors will get to saying he's cured. We still have follow up appointments to do for the next year to keep an eye on things, but in general, it's over. For now, and for ever, hopefully, we're done dealing with this. Steve's back to his old self, back to work, back to living. To see him today, you would never even know he had been sick. I cannot be more thankful for how well he's come through this.
It has been quite a year, for him obviously, but for me too, and my family. Watching him go through all this has been incredibly scary but also amazing - seeing his strength as he faced a life-threatening and life-changing disease. He was always in good spirits even after weeks cooped up in the hospital, after two operations, countless poking and proding, frighteningly severe reactions to medications, painful procedures and most of all, just plain not wanting to be there, wishing he was at home in his own bed - through all of it he never lost his good humor and sweet demeanor that those who know him find so endearing. I was so impressed at what a model patient he was. So good natured - but that's who he is, who he always has been.
I know it was frightening and life-altering for him, but it was for me, too. While, I did my best to be there for him, to be supportive and do whatever he needed to get through it, I felt so helpless knowing that really, there was nothing I could do besides care for him in all the little ways I could and make sure he knew I loved him. I hated feeling so helpless and I hated being afraid that we were going to lose him. I'd spend days with my heart in my throat, afraid to leave the hospital for fear that something would happen while I was gone but unable to stay because my own life was still moving forward outside. It seemed like things would get better only for something else to happen and I'd be back there, scared to death.
Going to the hospital nearly every day was so difficult. At first it was hard for me to see him like that - so helpless and hooked up to a million tubes and wires and machines. But even later, when he was doing better, some days it was hard to make myself go - I was so sick of the hospital and what it meant, what it could mean. I took some days off but not being there was just as difficult - I felt guilty for leaving him alone there, knowing how much he hated it, knowing that life is fragile and anything could happen while my back was turned.
Coming so close to losing him reminded me just how much I love him and how much he does for us. How much I would miss him if we were to lose him. I did my best to let him know in deed and word how much I love him and how important he is in my life. I hope he does know.
When my mom died in 1997, I remember vividly how much I grew up practically overnight. I have always said that if losing my mom hadn't been the most awful thing that had ever happened to me, it would've been one of the best. I know that sounds weird, but what I mean is that it forced me to find myself, to face the absolute worst thing I could conceive of and find that I was up to the task. I was 24 and still a stupid, spoiled girl who never lacked for anything. People - my mother, especially - took care of me. I had barely any concept of misery or loss or pain. I had never been tested because the people who loved me protected me from it. I learned so much from my mother's death. I learned that I could help my dad and brothers make decisions I had never even considered. I learned that I could write and give a dignified eulogy to a church crowded with friends and family without crying. I learned that I could give comfort to others even when I needed my own comfort. I learned that I could make up my own mind. I learned that I already knew the right thing to do. I learned that I could get up every day and go on even though my world had just ended.
I learned so much about so many things but mostly, I learned that I was capable of so much more than I had ever really given myself credit for.
Everything that happened this year with my brother served as a reminder to me of what I learned so long ago. I can do it. It doesn't matter what it is or how much it hurts, I know I am strong enough for whatever comes my way. Almost as much as I am thankful that we get to keep my brother for a little while longer, I am thankful for the reminder of who I am and what I can do.
Finally, at the end of April he was pronounced No Evidence of Disease - the closest the doctors will get to saying he's cured. We still have follow up appointments to do for the next year to keep an eye on things, but in general, it's over. For now, and for ever, hopefully, we're done dealing with this. Steve's back to his old self, back to work, back to living. To see him today, you would never even know he had been sick. I cannot be more thankful for how well he's come through this.
It has been quite a year, for him obviously, but for me too, and my family. Watching him go through all this has been incredibly scary but also amazing - seeing his strength as he faced a life-threatening and life-changing disease. He was always in good spirits even after weeks cooped up in the hospital, after two operations, countless poking and proding, frighteningly severe reactions to medications, painful procedures and most of all, just plain not wanting to be there, wishing he was at home in his own bed - through all of it he never lost his good humor and sweet demeanor that those who know him find so endearing. I was so impressed at what a model patient he was. So good natured - but that's who he is, who he always has been.
I know it was frightening and life-altering for him, but it was for me, too. While, I did my best to be there for him, to be supportive and do whatever he needed to get through it, I felt so helpless knowing that really, there was nothing I could do besides care for him in all the little ways I could and make sure he knew I loved him. I hated feeling so helpless and I hated being afraid that we were going to lose him. I'd spend days with my heart in my throat, afraid to leave the hospital for fear that something would happen while I was gone but unable to stay because my own life was still moving forward outside. It seemed like things would get better only for something else to happen and I'd be back there, scared to death.
Going to the hospital nearly every day was so difficult. At first it was hard for me to see him like that - so helpless and hooked up to a million tubes and wires and machines. But even later, when he was doing better, some days it was hard to make myself go - I was so sick of the hospital and what it meant, what it could mean. I took some days off but not being there was just as difficult - I felt guilty for leaving him alone there, knowing how much he hated it, knowing that life is fragile and anything could happen while my back was turned.
Coming so close to losing him reminded me just how much I love him and how much he does for us. How much I would miss him if we were to lose him. I did my best to let him know in deed and word how much I love him and how important he is in my life. I hope he does know.
When my mom died in 1997, I remember vividly how much I grew up practically overnight. I have always said that if losing my mom hadn't been the most awful thing that had ever happened to me, it would've been one of the best. I know that sounds weird, but what I mean is that it forced me to find myself, to face the absolute worst thing I could conceive of and find that I was up to the task. I was 24 and still a stupid, spoiled girl who never lacked for anything. People - my mother, especially - took care of me. I had barely any concept of misery or loss or pain. I had never been tested because the people who loved me protected me from it. I learned so much from my mother's death. I learned that I could help my dad and brothers make decisions I had never even considered. I learned that I could write and give a dignified eulogy to a church crowded with friends and family without crying. I learned that I could give comfort to others even when I needed my own comfort. I learned that I could make up my own mind. I learned that I already knew the right thing to do. I learned that I could get up every day and go on even though my world had just ended.
I learned so much about so many things but mostly, I learned that I was capable of so much more than I had ever really given myself credit for.
Everything that happened this year with my brother served as a reminder to me of what I learned so long ago. I can do it. It doesn't matter what it is or how much it hurts, I know I am strong enough for whatever comes my way. Almost as much as I am thankful that we get to keep my brother for a little while longer, I am thankful for the reminder of who I am and what I can do.
June 16th, 2008
And so the 12 Days of My Birthday begin!
Yes, if you're a longtime reader, you will recall that 'round about this time every year, we start the twelve days of my birthday, wherein I have somehow wrangled my loved ones into celebrating my birthday numerous times over about a two week period.
So Saturday was the Fantastic Family birthday BBQ - Mr. Fantastic's birthday is on the 24th, mine's this Friday on the 20th - so every year we have a combined family BBQ to celebrate our birthdays. We had a wonderful time at Mummy Fantastic's, BBQ'd steaks and corn and had ice cream cake and got pressies. One of my brothers couldn't be there and one of Mr. F's brothers and his family couldn't be there, so we missed those guys, but it was still great.
Got some nice gifts, including movies passes and a gift card to PF Chang's and t-shirts with names of our fantasy football teams on them. And Mummy Fantastic gave us each $100 cash for our upcoming trip to Vegas. All in all, a great start to birthday season! Happy 29v6th birthday to me!
So Saturday was the Fantastic Family birthday BBQ - Mr. Fantastic's birthday is on the 24th, mine's this Friday on the 20th - so every year we have a combined family BBQ to celebrate our birthdays. We had a wonderful time at Mummy Fantastic's, BBQ'd steaks and corn and had ice cream cake and got pressies. One of my brothers couldn't be there and one of Mr. F's brothers and his family couldn't be there, so we missed those guys, but it was still great.
Got some nice gifts, including movies passes and a gift card to PF Chang's and t-shirts with names of our fantasy football teams on them. And Mummy Fantastic gave us each $100 cash for our upcoming trip to Vegas. All in all, a great start to birthday season! Happy 29v6th birthday to me!
June 9th, 2008
Weekend update
Phew! What a busy weekend.
~ Thursday, played poker with Vader and our friends Daniel and Jesse stopped by. Was great to see all of them. Haven't been playing much poker lately...just not as fun as it used to be. Now I mostly go to socialize and the poker is secondary. It's funny - I hang out with Vader a lot and everybody tends to think we're dating. One of the guys at the poker table started to tell me he thought I was pretty and then stopped and apologized to Vader for basically hitting on his girlfriend, and Vade was like, "No, no, it's okay, dude - I mean, she's married, just not to me!" and then he looks at me and says, "OMG, if we keep hanging out, I am never getting laid." Lulz!
~ Friday, went to cousin H1's where her in-laws, who have a spa in Larkspur, come up a couple times a month and do a spa day at her house. So I got a hot stone facial, which was excellent. If you've never done it, you should. Now I want to get a whole hot stone body massage. I was so relaxed after the facial, I can't imagine how I'd feel after the massage. Anyway, H & T actually went to the Rockies game but I stayed and had dinner with the 'rents and the twins and T's cousin, which was a lot of fun. I think I got my first mosquito bite in years, but it was worth it sitting out in the back yard having a glass of wine and chatting. Oh, and I got to meet their new puppy, Jax, who is an 11 week old Shiba Inu and quite possibly the cutest dog I have ever seen in my life.
~ Saturday I went to cousin H3's and we went to this flea-markety thing which was lame but we also had lunch which was good. Then we went to her house and she showed me her kitchen remodel plans - their house is gorgeous to begin with, but the kitched was outdated. The new kitchen is going to be so cool. And then we ended up in her closet having me try on a bunch of her dresses because I've had no luck finding a dress for my upcoming trip to Vegas with Mr. F, a bunch of his family and my brother Steve. Anyway, she had this one adorable dress in a size 12 that I didn't want to try on because I thought it would be too small, but she forced me to try it on anyway because it's so cute - and it was too big! No so big that I can't get away with wearing it, but still, I was shocked that I fit into it. Still have some body dysmorphia going on, I guess. I ended up with three dresses and another outfit that she's letting me borrow and I am so excited! For once I'm going to look cute in Vegas. And she's all excited for me to wear her dresses because, as I have mentioned, she is knocked up and won't be wearing them for a while.
Then after I got home from H3's, I went and met H & T and Co at the People's Fair. Always good fun, food, people watching. And I just live a few blocks away so I was able to avoid the parking hassle and just walk down to meet them. And H and I got matching mendhi on our ankles - the Japanese symbol for happiness. Now I have an idea if I want to get a tatto there or not. (I'm thinking prolly not. I should take a picture and see what you think.)
~ Sunday I spent the day with Steve and Dad. We had lunch and then went and tried out Steve's new Wii. It was excellent fun! If I was ever going to allow a video game in my house, it would be the Wii. We did all sorts of games - tennis, bowling, boxing, baseball, etc. I absolutely loved the boxing; Dad prefers the bowling. And there was some awesome slasher game called No More Heroes which was incredibly complicated but totally sweet. Ooh, and we did Guitar Hero, which Steve rocked and I TOTALLY sucked at. Failed every song I tried. I did kick his ass at the boxing, though. Lots of fun.
~ Thursday, played poker with Vader and our friends Daniel and Jesse stopped by. Was great to see all of them. Haven't been playing much poker lately...just not as fun as it used to be. Now I mostly go to socialize and the poker is secondary. It's funny - I hang out with Vader a lot and everybody tends to think we're dating. One of the guys at the poker table started to tell me he thought I was pretty and then stopped and apologized to Vader for basically hitting on his girlfriend, and Vade was like, "No, no, it's okay, dude - I mean, she's married, just not to me!" and then he looks at me and says, "OMG, if we keep hanging out, I am never getting laid." Lulz!
~ Friday, went to cousin H1's where her in-laws, who have a spa in Larkspur, come up a couple times a month and do a spa day at her house. So I got a hot stone facial, which was excellent. If you've never done it, you should. Now I want to get a whole hot stone body massage. I was so relaxed after the facial, I can't imagine how I'd feel after the massage. Anyway, H & T actually went to the Rockies game but I stayed and had dinner with the 'rents and the twins and T's cousin, which was a lot of fun. I think I got my first mosquito bite in years, but it was worth it sitting out in the back yard having a glass of wine and chatting. Oh, and I got to meet their new puppy, Jax, who is an 11 week old Shiba Inu and quite possibly the cutest dog I have ever seen in my life.
~ Saturday I went to cousin H3's and we went to this flea-markety thing which was lame but we also had lunch which was good. Then we went to her house and she showed me her kitchen remodel plans - their house is gorgeous to begin with, but the kitched was outdated. The new kitchen is going to be so cool. And then we ended up in her closet having me try on a bunch of her dresses because I've had no luck finding a dress for my upcoming trip to Vegas with Mr. F, a bunch of his family and my brother Steve. Anyway, she had this one adorable dress in a size 12 that I didn't want to try on because I thought it would be too small, but she forced me to try it on anyway because it's so cute - and it was too big! No so big that I can't get away with wearing it, but still, I was shocked that I fit into it. Still have some body dysmorphia going on, I guess. I ended up with three dresses and another outfit that she's letting me borrow and I am so excited! For once I'm going to look cute in Vegas. And she's all excited for me to wear her dresses because, as I have mentioned, she is knocked up and won't be wearing them for a while.
Then after I got home from H3's, I went and met H & T and Co at the People's Fair. Always good fun, food, people watching. And I just live a few blocks away so I was able to avoid the parking hassle and just walk down to meet them. And H and I got matching mendhi on our ankles - the Japanese symbol for happiness. Now I have an idea if I want to get a tatto there or not. (I'm thinking prolly not. I should take a picture and see what you think.)
~ Sunday I spent the day with Steve and Dad. We had lunch and then went and tried out Steve's new Wii. It was excellent fun! If I was ever going to allow a video game in my house, it would be the Wii. We did all sorts of games - tennis, bowling, boxing, baseball, etc. I absolutely loved the boxing; Dad prefers the bowling. And there was some awesome slasher game called No More Heroes which was incredibly complicated but totally sweet. Ooh, and we did Guitar Hero, which Steve rocked and I TOTALLY sucked at. Failed every song I tried. I did kick his ass at the boxing, though. Lots of fun.
June 5th, 2008
I'm flipping channels and just watched a dog walk up a flight of stairs carrying a glass of water on its head. Yes, we are all aware that I'm a huge dork. I'm sorry, I can't help it. That was FUCKING AWESOME.